1/x

                                                                                           

I still remember sitting in Geometry class, and being shown the { f(x) = 1/x } graph. A curving line that gets closer and closer to the axis, but never, ever touches it. Never crosses over into the netherworld of negative numbers, just strays closer and closer to the edge, lets the tension grow. I always thought it was the bravest and most determined curve of all curves... a fighter... But now all I keep thinking is, wouldn't it be better if the damn curve just crossed the stupid axis already?! It is just putting off the inevitable anyway. Wouldn't it be better to exist in the horrors on the other side of the axis if it meant breaking the tension?!

At the end, it's always better to know for sure - even if it breaks your heart - than keep hanging to a false hope.

اللهم ارني الحق حقاً و ارزقني اتباعه و ارني الباطل باطلاً و ارزقني اجتنابه... آمين

Second goodbye

                                                                                              

As soon as your eyes met mine, after all these years, I knew that nothing has changed, I'm still heartbroken and you are still waiting, I want you to change and you want me to go back to what I used to be, we can't go back but we can't move forward - not together anyway. But just one look from those eyes of yours was enough to push my heart into the next gear and make it flutters with undeniable happiness. 

My heart was dumbstruck, you could have killed me at that moment and that stupid heart would still beat for you, but my mind had all the painful memories, each and every single one of them and that was enough to draw me back before the yearning that took hold of me made me forget why I left in the first place.

Every time our paths cross, I seem to have this inner battle between running away from you and running into your arms. Each time I force myself not to reach out and wrap my arms around your neck and bury my face in that spot between your shoulder and neck, it had to be the most perfect place for me to rest my head and forget all that agony.

Not that it matters. It obviously wasn't meant to be, because as stupid and forgetting as it tends to be, my heart can't afford another break.

Yes! We had a past, but we will never have a future.

And that is my - real, honest and last- final goodbye. May it finds you well    =)